The 'I'm really not too drunk' but clearly unable to stand up scenario

Thinking back to the boxing day shift I did reminds me of an extremely funny incident, of which us doormen come across very often:

The 'I'm really not too drunk' but clearly unable to stand up scenario

When I work at my usual nightclub, I spend most of the night standing on the front door of the venue watching everybody as they come in and out. On occasion when its particularly cold I go for a walk inside the venue to make sure that the guys inside aren't too busy texing/chatting up girls. As I walked around I came across a gentleman, of whom i'd approximate was around 35 years old, fairly short, fairly skinny, and so drunk, he was having a full blown conversation with the wall, or possibly, using the wall to avoid a more painful connection with the floor.

'Sir, Could I have a quick word at the front door please'

'No'

'I'm sorry sir, i'm going to have to insist that we talk at the front door'

'I had a really nice dinner, but its okay, i'm fine now'

'You've had too much to drink, I'm going to have to ask you to leave tonight'

'I'm not drenk, drunk. I've only had a pint'

'Sir, please come with me'

I walked the gentleman to the front door, and explained to him that he was far too drunk for our establishment and that he would be cutting his night short. He accepted this, whether or not he understood is a different matter; after attempting to walk back into the club, albeit not forcefully, he eventually realised he was leaving and walked out of the club, using me as a walking stick.

When the guy was at the front of the club, he stood on his own, so I took a step back and said a cheery 'good night' and went back to my usual position. As I did so, the gentleman took a few steps and fell flat on his face, creating a huge gash on the front of his face. I made CCTV and Police aware of the gentleman just incase he needed assitance. He proceeded to take a lighter out of his pocket, stare at it, then hold it to his ear and start talking; I don't think he would get a taxi that way...

.. A few hours later I noticed he was sitting on some steps near our venue. He stood up, but in doing so managed to drop his phone, in extreme slow motion he bent down to pick it up; but ended up doing a roll at the same time, ended up doing a complete 360 roll! Once I could breathe again after laughing so much, I did ask if he was okay, his response:

'Excuse me, I'm not too club to drunk your club!'

Brilliant.