I'm still finding it extremely difficult to motivate myself

Its a difficult time of year, the stage between Winter and Summer, its actually rather depressing. It seems by reading some of my colleagues blogs that they're not having the best time either. I'm not entirely sure what the entire situation is right now, but its evident that the credit crunch, and this ineffective government who seem to try and dig themselves out of the hole that they created entirely themselves (well, the hole in which he did.).

I'm still finding it extremely difficult to motivate myself, not just to write a blog entry; because everything seems so particularly mundane right now, but to do anything. Currently the only incentive I have to do anything right now is financial. There are ways to make money, and ways to make real money. I don't mind doing either; and I think its a highly negative point towards my personality that my significant motivation is money, but shit happens, I never said I was a nice person.

Working in this new town on the door, with up to 30 hours of shifts a week (3x as much as I used to get) is fantastic. I've been overly told that the doors are rougher, harder, sharper, nastier and yet compared to what I'm used to; so far these doors are a walk in the park, as doors go, they have their wannabe gangsters, their unable to handle their drink sluts and all of which are easy to handle, I love this town!

new doors

Not that long ago I was under the impression that I would need to leave the doors and work a normal student job at a supermarket. However due to a friend who I know from home, and also uni town - i've managed to secure a job with a security company in my uni town. My first week for them was extremely good, and so much better than the team I have at home; I trust some of my new colleagues more than I trust many of my old colleagues.

I'm still trying to get a good reputation in a new town, new doors, new faces, new trouble makers, i'm bottom of the food chain, need to make my way up.

Being able to drive 5mins (one could argue that I should walk to reduce my carbon footprint) to work rather than a 2 hour long haul is a fantastic feeling and should leave me feeling a hell of a lot less stressed!

everything in life is intangible

I hate how nothing in life is guaranteed, nothing in life is definately predictable up to the last minute. There are things in life that you can assure yourself has stability, like your family, your friends, your savings account, but in reality none of these things are secure, everything in life seems to be intangible.

I'm at a stage when i'm so low it feels that whatever I do nothing will pick me up from this depression. I'm losing friends like no tommorow, i'm running low on money like there is a recession (yeah okay, i'm not alone with this one) and my job security is severely lacking.

Its almost at the stage when i'm going to have to forget the doors, of which I am so passionate about, and to pull me through my degree, of which i've definately got an extra year (repeating this one) - to work stacking shelves.

Time seems to be the only thing I have too much of, and nothing to fill it.