ripples...

I just got into bed after a particularly arduous door shift at my regular venue. When I got into the kitchen and turned the lights on, with the adrenaline gone, and the threat extict I suddenly realised two things.



1. There is a small cut on my right hand thumb



2. I went through 2 shirts tonight, thats how much other peoples blood was spilled.



The two added together are enough to make one nauseated, and begin to worry about a transfer of virus' and onasty thoughts start rushing through your head. Thinking back throughout the night I consider the different environments and situations where people have decided to leave their hemoglobin (or should it be oxyhemoglobin?) everywhere. I realise that in all the situations i've had my leather gloves on, protecting my cuts from their toxins and ensuring that I am most probably clean.

It put things into perspective though (well sort of, please understand that at 5am after a busy shift and very little sleep the night previous, my babble is exactly that; babble) with the fact that if I had not been wearing gloves, or taken them off because I got too hot, and then dealt with an issue on the dancefloor, getting their blood in my cut, infected me with HIV, it shortens my lifespan. A simple thing as not wearing gloves can have a life changing effect. Its scary how vunerable we are, and how every single decision we make could change our lives significantly.

Thinking back to various decisions i've made, that have changed my life significantly, or could have done:

- I dont particularly want to write this in words, as I dislike the words, however if this decision was made differently i'd have a young child at the moment, which would change my life probably most significantly than any other decision made.

- I decided to leave my other half, which resulted in me having to live back with my parents and have a level of freedom taken away, and a level of freedom granted, this comparatively isn't such a huge significant change; and its a common one, but to me its still a life changing decision.

- Deciding to overtake at a junction. This decision could have resulted in an end to my life, luckily I was only vaguely injured, and my car was very injured, but this small momentary lapse of judgement could have been my final decision.

Unfortunately at this stage i'm so overcome with fatigue I cannot think of any more 'life changing' episodes, and my writing style for this entry has gone... crap...

and so, I shall try and sleep.